Birthday gifts are lovely, honestly. But that is only when the birthday gift ideas are actual, usable gifts. If you are planning to gift your lover any of the birthday gifts on this list, you might need to reconsider

1. Throw pillow with my face on it.

Who on earth started this idea, abeg? Come out, let’s talk. See, I love you oh, but whatever you do, don’t gift me a throw pillow with my face on it. Let us not atlact curses to ourselves, dear.

2. Cake with money inside.

First of all: Why didn’t you just credit the celebrant’s account? Secondly, do you realise that the celebrant still has to go to the bank to deposit that money? And finally, do you understand that you have shortened the cake ration the celebrant would have gotten?

Imagine the stress of removing the naira notes before cutting the cake. Or are the notes cake?

3. Mug with my face on it.

Quick question: What if the mug breaks? Also, there’s nothing appealing about the idea of drinking from a cup with my face on it. I don’t know about you.

4. Portrait.

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The idea of a portrait for youngings will never sit right with me sha. I have always considered portraits to be that gift you get at your retirement or a golden jubilee or something. Imagine my surprise when I saw people receiving it on their 20-something birthday.

5. Teddy Bear

Generic 55'' Giant Big Teddy Bear CASE UNFILLED NO PP COTTON Huge ...

Teddy bears are nice and all. But see ehn, what happens when it becomes dirty and I have to wash? Besides sef, teddy bear is just for aesthetic purpose. It cannot wash plates, cook, run errands or whatever. Why let it occupy useful space?

BONUS: Saxophone surprises at the wrong place and time.

Let this be a lesson.

You should also read this: 7 Ghetto Birthday Practices That Need To Be Abolished ASAP


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.