A Day In The Life Of My Sleep Paralysis Demon

April 24, 2020

A day in the life is a one-off Zikoko entry that chronicles what it means to hustle in Nigeria. Especially in professions that are misunderstood. Professions like witchcraft, sleep paralysis demons. We hope to understand what goes on behind the scenes.


The subject for today is my sleep paralysis demon who tells me about the misconceptions that come with the work.

7:00 am:

I wake up late today. I spent the night checking on people to make sure that they weren’t dying in their sleep. And what did I get? people binding and casting me with the blood of Jesus. I don’t get it. I am literally there to prevent you from passing in your sleep and you are calling Jesus. Ontop ordinary “are you fine?” It’s baffling. Anyhow, I understand that this is a thankless job, but someone must do it. It won’t hurt for someone to thank me still. Human beings are just too rude.

I don’t want to think about it. I pick up my phone and I go to Zikoko.com to laugh away my sorrows.

12:00 pm:

A new roaster is out. Ramadan has started so I can’t check on Muslim clients again. They will be awake during my peak hours. My best friend is a Muslim. It’s sad that I can’t meet his family because they will never accept me for who I am. If only they know who their son truly is. Oh, the stories I have.

One time, a girl asked him to choke her. Obviously, Mr. Goody little shoes could not, so I had to step in. He instructed her to turn off the lights and we swapped places. Even with my super boost and greater hardening, this girl was still not satisfied. The scariest thing that can happen on this job is getting a human being that actually enjoys choking. Nigerians are crazy with their sufferhead.

sleep paralysis demon

Another time, he sent me to threaten his boss over a salary raise. It turned out that his boss was super horny so we made out. That was nice. He got his raise but till today, he doesn’t know the details of what happened.

I lost out because his boss stopped replying my messages. Another person who just couldn’t stand to be seen with me in the day. I may be a demon on the streets, but I am a lover in the sheets.

6:00 pm.

I don’t know how long I can keep doing this job. I want to retire one of these days and maybe fall in love. After a point, it gets tiring to see people either scared of you or make you some weird object of their sexual fantasy. I just want people to look at me and smile. Is that too much to ask?

When I start to think like this, I get sad. I hope I find love some day. Love that is wholesome and active as there can be no bystander in love.

I shake off these thoughts. I have to sleep now because I am going to work at midnight. Sometimes, I wonder if my own sleep paralysis demon feels a type of way. I’ll strike up a conversation today.

sleep paralysis demon

I fall asleep thinking of better days. At midnight, I’ll start the cycle all over again.

Hassan Yahaya

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 6, 2020

Nigerian photographers are definitely on the list of the most annoyed Nigerian demographic. Chances are you are probably guilty of at least one thing on this list. Read the list before you deny it. 1. “I know someone who can do it for cheaper price”. Then why are we here, please? You brought me all the […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X