9 Things Every Nigerian Who Lives Alone Learnt The Hard Way

October 9, 2019

Living alone is a dream that a lot of young Nigerians have immediately they realise it’s even an option. Growing up with Nigerian parents is enough to have you aggressively counting down the days until you no longer have to answer to anyone but yourself.

While there are a lot of great things about living alone — from having every piece of meat in the pot to yourself, to never having to wait to use the bathroom — there are still some downsides, and here are 9 that will hit you as soon as you make the leap.

1. Gas only ever finishes on Sunday

You most likely didn’t notice this when you still lived with your parents, but one of the most annoying things you’ll learn when you live alone is that gas never finishes when it’s convenient. It will always wait until Sunday morning before deciding to ruin your day.

2. You can only add so much water to Morning Fresh

Realising that Morning Fresh isn’t as bottomless as you once thought is another thing that will absolutely break your heart. There’s only so much water your broke ass can add to it before it just stops being a dishwashing liquid. So, yes, you will actually have to go out and buy more.

3. You’re always both bored and at peace

Granted, you no longer have to worry about your father screaming for you to come hand over a remote that’s right beside him, but there’s the intense boredom that comes with living all by yourself. You’d never admit it to them, but you will definitely find yourself missing your parents’ stress.

4. If you don’t cook, you will never eat

You would think this should go without saying, but one of the toughest realisations you have once you start living alone is the fact that an ice cream container filled with stew will never magically appear in your freezer. If you don’t stand up and cook, you will simply starve.

5. The plates you left in the sink are not going to get up and wash themselves

One of the most underrated joys of living with other people is rarely having to suffer for your laziness. You can leave the dishes in the sink, and there’s a chance your younger brother will help you wash it. When you live alone, that plate will just be chilling in the sink, staring back at you like:

6. You actually don’t like going out

Growing up, you managed to convince yourself that your parents’ Nigerian brand of strictness was the reason you never went anywhere. Once you move out, however, you quickly realise that you’re actually just an antisocial mess that would rather stay home and sleep all day.

7. Clothes, especially socks, are alive

When you live in a crowded house, you can always assume that your missing shirt was “borrowed” by your sister. The crazy thing is: your clothes, especially socks, don’t stop disappearing once you live alone. So, it’s safe to assume that they are all alive. Where is that animated movie, Pixar?

8. You always buy too much food

No one ever told you this, but food shopping for one person is an impossible feat. You always end up buying enough groceries to feed a small family, and you never get to use it all because of how quickly they spoil – usually due to a combination of NEPA being horrible and foodstuff simply refusing to last longer than a second.

9. Falling ill is so much worse

You swear you’re an adult that’s ready for independence until malaria hits and you have to take care of yourself. The truth is: no matter how stressful your parents typically are, you realise that no other human on earth will be nicer to you when you are sick.

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