Are you sick and tired of your daily commute because it stresses you out? Are you sick and tired of spending the better part of your youth in traffic?
If your answer to either one of those questions was yes, then you’re in luck. Because ILYSM💙, I’ve gathered all I’ve learned from living in Lagos these past twenty-something years and put all of it into this handy guide I’m about to share with you.
1. Check traffic situations on Google maps before you set out.
With this knowledge, you can search for another route to use. All hail science.
2. Avoid rush hours.
For example, the last thing you want to do if you’re on the mainland is take a trip to the Island when people are just leaving work (4 – 6 pm). You might as well cancel your plans and stock up on food/water because you’ll be there for a long while.
3. Only drive between 12am and 4pm.
I can’t even guarantee you that this particular piece of advice is sound because Lagos is insane. I say this because I remember how hard I screamed the day I met traffic on 3rd mainland bridge at 1 am.
4. Join a group of witches so you’ll gain the ability to fly.
Either as a bat, bird, or on a broom, fly na fly.
5. Get a helicopter.
Just buy one. Like, how much do they even cost?
6. Walk everywhere.
If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you. Plus, when was the last time you worked out? You need this.
7. Never leave your house.
Because the moment you leave your house, Lagos traffic WILL find you.
8. Cease to exist.
Forget all the other things on this list. This is the only way.