7 Wonderful Ways To Make Your Crush Notice You

August 8, 2020

If you have a crush who has been proving stubborn while you waste away with affection, we have come up with key tips to make them notice you. Heed our advice and get married in three months.

1. Like ALL their scoial media posts from 20-whatever till date.

How else will you grab their attention?


2. When you see them coming towards you, faint in their path. Or fall inside gutter.

In other words, do something so desperate drastic romantic that they will rush to come save you and press you to their perfumed chest in a warm embrace.


3. Anytime they post, repeat this comment: “Yes, my husband/wife. You’re making sense. This is why I love you”

Feel free to spice it up with things like “the owner of the money on my head”; “the one in whose presence I am assailed by orgasms”, etc etc.


4. Cook for them and take it to their house.

HOME KING Insulated Stainless Steel Food Flask price from jumia in ...

If they reject it, cry and refuse to leave until they take at least one spoon. If you lace it with jazz beforehand, it’s your lucky day.


5. Send them a pair of your cum-stained underwear.

Something to help them remember you.


6. Find where they keep their key, make a spare and let yourself into their house.

Then strip naked, so when they enter they are faced with your glorious nakedness. Ouu.


7. Sign up with a bulk SMS platform and send them a message every 30 minutes.

The game is the game, my love. Play it or be played.

If everything else fails, take their photo to a babalawo. Their strong head will comport ASAP.

You'll like this

October 7, 2019

You’d think that, by now, you would have accepted that five days out of the seven in a week are not yours. Like at what point does this adulting thing become a normal routine? You would be having the best time of your life (by your standards) until Sunday creeps in to remind you that […]

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 28, 2020

Remember (Senator) Elisha Abbo? The same person that physically assaulted a young woman in a sex toy shop n May 2019? Well, a court has just granted judgement that 50 million naira be paid to the assaulted woman, Warmate Osimibibra. In Suit No FHC:CV/2393/19 Osimibabra Warmate v. Senator Elisha Abbo, the Court awarded 50 million […]

September 28, 2020

Dating a Yoruba man is something most people do to build character. Some consider this extreme sport as a cry for help and a means of inflicting self-harm. From the Tundes to the Femis, Yoruba men will leave you wishing you chose a life of celibacy. Today, I spoke to a 25-year-old lady who has been in 6 awful relationships, dated only Yoruba men and considers them her Kryptonite.

September 28, 2020

There’s every other normal person in life, and there are tech bros. Such is the difference between our species. Nonetheless, it’s not hard to pick out a tech bro from the crowd if you know what to look out for. 1. Turtleneck. Every tech bro has at least 3 different shades of black turtlenecks. It’s […]

September 28, 2020

Yesterday, we wrote on how the NLC and its 4 million members would go on strike if they did not reach an agreement with the federal government.  Well, the NLC has suspended its strike for two weeks, meaning some agreements were made for the meantime. This is everything the newspapers are not telling you they […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

More from Inside Life

September 28, 2020

Remember (Senator) Elisha Abbo? The same person that physically assaulted a young woman in a sex toy shop n May 2019? Well, a court has just granted judgement that 50 million naira be paid to the assaulted woman, Warmate Osimibibra. In Suit No FHC:CV/2393/19 Osimibabra Warmate v. Senator Elisha Abbo, the Court awarded 50 million […]

September 28, 2020

Yesterday, we wrote on how the NLC and its 4 million members would go on strike if they did not reach an agreement with the federal government.  Well, the NLC has suspended its strike for two weeks, meaning some agreements were made for the meantime. This is everything the newspapers are not telling you they […]

September 27, 2020

The Federal Government will meet with leaders of the Nigerian Labour Congress (NLC) and the Trade Union Congress (TUC) by 7 pm this evening (Sunday 27 September 2020) over their planned mass strike on the increase in petrol and electricity prices. NLC and TUC have said that there is “no going back” on their strike […]

September 26, 2020

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a lesbian in her early 20s who, after many trysts with boys, discovered her sexuality when she got to university. . After one traumatic sexual experience though, she’s now terrified of sleeping with women.

September 25, 2020

On Thursday, President Muhammadu Buhari signed into law the new Police Establishment Act 2020, aimed at making the Nigerian police force better. But the new law has generated sharp criticism, especially on social media. Many critics say that the law has now granted wide and unending powers to police officers. Reasonable Grounds, Reasonable Apprehension The […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X