A neighbour that wants to be stingy this Christmas will have to content with a neighbour that does not give up. So that your neighbours will not move mad and decide to not offer you Christmas food, here’s what to do:
1. Start greeting them.
They need to know you’re a polite person. We both know you’re not, but the stomach needs what it needs.
2. When they spread their clothes, help them pack it in.
That way, you have initiated contact. They will have to knock on your door. And once they’re used to doing it, they will have no problem knocking on your door on Christmas day with food.
3. Offer to help them dispose of their trash.
This is how to know if they’re worthy neighbours, otherwise just stop wasting your time. If their dustbin has traces of expensive food like empty tins of corned beef, packages from Shoprite and stuff, then you know they are well to do and will give you food on Christmas day. But if they have only bones and black nylon, nne biko, abort mission.
4. Ask if they need a helping hand with the child.
Another way to know. If they feed their child good things, then it’s time to camp with them. But if it’s only brown pap and noodles without pepper, let your leg touch the back of your head as you’re fleeing their house. Jehovah dismantle poverty,
5. Tell them you’re available for a threesome.
Of course you’re not. It’s just to show that you’re completely willing to do anything for them. And yeah, if they do take you up on the offer of a threesome, then collect your knacks and dust your body.
6. Always complain about not having food to eat.
In other words, “Don’t you people dare try to bypass me on Christmas day.”
7. As soon as you wake up on Christmas day, go to their house, and sit.
There’s no way they can ignore you then.
And in case your neighbours are moving to you this December, here’s a list of things you can serve them.
