Long before smartphones became popular, sneaking to watch pornography (AKA Blue Film) is something young Nigerians have done. Sometimes, you scale through without wahala, and sometimes, the devil just decides to remember your sins that day. Allow us to take you down memory lane.
1. It begins when your parents leave the house and you are home alone.
And there is light, and because the idle mind is the devil’s workshop, you whip out that contraband CD and slot it in the DVD player. When the show starts, you reduce the volume and feel comfortable.
2. The door is locked, but your ears are active and listening for every sound.
Because if it looks like someone is coming, you need ample time to remove the CD, hide it, switch off the TV, and act like things are normal.
3. Sometimes, it’s a good experience.
NEPA favours you, you get your orgasm, clean up and still have enough time to put things back in place.
4. And sometimes, your village people can decide to play volleyball with your destiny.
This is when NEPA takes light. And you’ve not even reached climax yet. You’ve not even reached rising action.
5. You, trying to remove the CD from the DVD player with a screwdriver.
With your heart beating like hell and you wondering what made you decide to even watch blue film that day.
6. Sometimes, the screwdriver will fail you.
And then you will carry the whole DVD player to the barber’s shop or any place where their generator is on. The devil works hard, but you have a PhD in greater works.
7. And sometimes, when the devil is hell bent on finishing you, nobody in your area will have the generator on.
And so you will sit in horror and wait for NEPA to bring light, so that your parents will not reach the DVD before you and see what you, their innocent child, has been up to.
Did we lie?
Have you read this? 7 Nigerian Men Reveal Why They Fake Orgasms