7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Experience With Squatters

September 9, 2020

Most Nigerians have been in situations where they have to house a friend or stranger for an extended period of time. During which, they have to play host. Sometimes, this experience ends up being anything but pleasant. From guests who don’t like to flush to those with no personal boundaries, these 7 Nigerians share their worst hosting experience with squatters

Eru, Female

During my undergrad days, my friend took in a squatter based on the recommendation of a mutual friend. The agreement was that she would stay a few days. WEEKS later, the chick had already made herself at home with no signs of leaving. She wrecked the kitchen and invited a random guy to the house. To top it off, she sent my friend and me out of the apartment so she could knack. I strongly blame my friend’s mother Theresa complex for this incident.

Shalvah, Male

We were at university. This guy had his own room but insisted on staying in ours. He never attended classes, I’d go for lectures and come back and he’d be in the same spot playing GTA. People got curious about his department but the story changes every time. At first, it was Med/Surg, then he started saying he had a problem with his WAEC g and that it was actually Radiology he had gotten. Then eventually it changed to Geology. The problem was he never attended classes. The only day I saw this guy with a book was when he tore out some pages to take a shit. This isn’t an exaggeration at all. There was a unanimous consensus to evict him. He resisted at first until we threatened him with school security. 

Reign, Female

Last year, a friend’s friend stayed at my place for 2 weeks. She was very disorganised, never kept things back in their place. As per visitor, I never complained. One day, she left the house and forgot to lock the door. I came back to meet my door open. I was super mad at her. After that incident, she stopped talking to me and started eating out. She eventually left without saying anything to me. 

Lizzy, Female

In school, a friend and I got an apartment together. When moving in, a former roommate of ours complained about having accommodation issues. She said she just needed a place to stay until she can sort things out. Apparently, she was having issues with the person she was currently staying with. I don’t know why we ignored this huge red flag. We left a spare key with her, worst mistake. Every time we went out and came back, we saw more of her belongings. This wasn’t the plan at all.

 Eventually, she had her things littered everywhere in small black bags. It didn’t help that she had poor hygiene. The stench from her clothes was very corpse-like. When we couldn’t take, we asked her to leave. She made a scene, crying and trying to guilt us. Even if we wanted to keep her, the smell from her clothes and herself was unbearable. She eventually left without her things. We had to find a place outside to keep them for her. When we graduated, we heard she came back for her things. 

Because she had a  spare key, she moved her stuff back into the empty house (the landlord had not yet locked the house) until the landlord chased her out.

Irnmole, Male

I once housed a “friend” she didn’t believe in flushing the toilet after taking a dump. She would shit and full everywhere and leave it there for someone to witness. It was absolutely disgusting. Ended up leaving the house for her until she sorted out her issue and moved. Didn’t want to deal with all that shit, literally.

Renike, Female

All through school, my bunkmate brought squatters to the room. I was always up bunk so at night when I had to jump down to use the ladies room, I’d end up stepping on someone. One particular bunkmate brought in a squatter and it was hell. Both of them would get drunk in the afternoon and do weird shit like piercing their tongues or lock someone in her room and beat her up. They were even taken to school prison but they came back yelling that they were now ex-convicts. They even had gist about prison life and inmates. One day, I got really stressed out and yelled at them. They threatened to poison my water and  “Spoil my fine girl”. I was so afraid that I had to call my mom and give her their names and reg numbers. 

Larry, Male

I have so many squatters tales. Is it the time that someone was squatting with me and using my personal items. I’m not a big fan, cause I use my stuff judiciously and I’m quite big on boundaries, but I grew up among siblings, so I tolerate it to a reasonable extent. 

That wasn’t the main problem.  My babe at the time got me some items as a birthday gift. A shirt & a pair of shoes. 

The next day, This guy who was fond of using my things without my permission tears the label off the new shirt and shoes. It rained that day and he was soaked. I came back home and met the suede loafers in bad condition. They weren’t built for that kind of weather. My new shirt was also worn out and wet. Kept thinking why did this guy launch my gifts before me? I was too weak to do anything else but rant. Oga then told me I was overreacting. “Boys will be boys” was how we settled it. Toxic piece of shit. Whoever made up that phrase needs to die.

Bonus: Larry, Male

There was another one that brought a babe to my house and when I got home, she refused to leave. I had to wait like a fugitive in one corner until I slept off. I just wanted to freshen up after a long day. Another that brought babe to my house and told her that I am the squatter.

For more stories like this, read How I quit working with the Canadian government to do community service in Nigeria.

You'll like this

October 10, 2019

If you go to a public Nigerian University, then you must have learned to develop a hate-love-hate relationship with ASUU. Strikes are a major inconveniences and shouldn’t be as rampant as they are in our institutions, but ASUU have gone on strike for a cumulative of 3 years since 1999 . See, they have this […]

Eris Ekanem

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 30, 2020

I wasn’t a big Runtown fan until I listened to a shitload of his songs for this Ranked. He’s actually got a great body of work, so I ranked his top ten best songs. Here you go: 10. Baby Answer “Girl my love for you be like kilimanjarooo…” and then the rhymes that follow. 2014 […]

September 30, 2020

Everyone takes naps. Every adult loves naps. Naps are like vegetables. You hate them when you’re a kid, but you know they’re absolutely essential when you get older. Many naps are ordinary, but some naps are sent from God as a reward for good deed. Those ones will have you feeling like this 1. You […]

September 30, 2020

African women have had a complex relationship with birth control, so we ask 10 African women, to tell us their experiences using birth control. Ann; 26, Zambia I don’t like taking medicine unless it’s really necessary, and I barely finish my courses so I knew the pill was a no. I didn’t like the idea […]

September 30, 2020

Going to the beach is a Nigerian favourite past time, especially for people who live in cities close to one. People go there for all sorts of reasons. It won’t be strange to find these 5 types of people at the beach. 1. People who just want to chill You’ll recognise them with their sunshades […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding:

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from Inside Life

September 30, 2020

Everyone takes naps. Every adult loves naps. Naps are like vegetables. You hate them when you’re a kid, but you know they’re absolutely essential when you get older. Many naps are ordinary, but some naps are sent from God as a reward for good deed. Those ones will have you feeling like this 1. You […]

September 30, 2020

Going to the beach is a Nigerian favourite past time, especially for people who live in cities close to one. People go there for all sorts of reasons. It won’t be strange to find these 5 types of people at the beach. 1. People who just want to chill You’ll recognise them with their sunshades […]

September 30, 2020

Should Burna Boy lead a protest? Well, it all started with a tweet: And then Sowore replied: And then Nigerians started weighing in. 1. Some think Burna Boy only likes the fun part of being Fela: 2. Others think Sowore is the hypocrite: Others think he should just spare us the faux righteousness (aka Lil […]

September 29, 2020

It is estimated that Nigerians smoke 40 billion cigarettes every year, with 11 million people lighting up 110 million sticks of cigarettes every day. These numbers are rightly alarming as approximately one out of every ten Nigerians smoke cigarettes. Nicotine is a stimulant present in cigarettes. It’s also responsible for addiction to cigarettes. This chemical […]

September 29, 2020

The Petroleum Industry Bill (PIB) is one of the most important bills that hasn’t been passed in Nigeria. If it is passed, there will be a clear separation of roles in Nigeria’s oil sector. Corporations like the NNPC will also become profit-oriented companies, and “host” communities in the Niger Delta will get better deals from […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X