So you broke up with your partner a while ago, and at the time, you thought you made the right decision. But as Valentine’s Day approaches, and you’re being bombarded with disgustingly adorable lovers content originally targeted at lovers but also hitting singles like stray bullets, you realise that the night winds are cold as hell, and the good times you and your ex had together are all coming back to you.
You miss them.
If this is you, and you want to get your ex back just in time for Valentine’s Day, sit down and pay attention. Because we’ve got a tutorial for you.
1) Stand outside their bedroom window with a giant radio and play some romantic songs.
If it worked for John Cusack in that one movie that keeps getting referenced everywhere, then it’ll work for you. Just make a playlist of the most romantic songs you know and stand defiantly outside your ex’s house until they’re forced to emerge and love you again. Remember sha that this is Nigeria. People are already irritated by generator noise so adding loud music will most likely get you slapped. But anything for love, yeah?
2) Ask people online to to beg them for you.
Everyone knows that social media is practically a virtual market square. And people on there are suckers for a good break-up/get back together story. So make a video of yourself pleading with random internet strangers to beg your ex to take you back. Throw in small crocodile tears to properly tug on heartstrings.
3) Publicly ask for their hand in marriage.
What’s more romantic than ambushing your ex in a public (e.g. at the food court of a mall) and demanding that they spend the rest of their life with you, while you’re both surrounded by hundreds of strangers recording said ambush with their phones? Nothing, that’s what! This is the best way to show your ex that your care deeply for them. Do it. We’re 100% behind you.
4) Report them to their parents.
“Good afternoon, sir/ma. I’m the one that broke your child’s heart three months ago. I just say I should tell you to talk to them because they’ve entered the streets and don’t want to take me back even though I’ve apologised. Tell them to be fast oh before they lose a good person (me).”
5) Subscribe/upgrade their DStv
Because DStv has premium entertainment and anyone willing to fund your access DStv’s treasure trove of content definitely wants the best for you. It’s a no brainer. DStv has 6 packages (Padi, Yanga, Confam, Compact, Compact Plus, and Premium) with different methods of viewing (Linear and DStv app) and different ways to subscribe (Physical store, USSD code -*288#, MyDStv App). Pick one and wow your ex.
