5 Things Not Getting A Valentine’s Gift Should Tell You About Your Life

February 15, 2021

Many saxophonists didn’t go to church yesterday because they were serenading other people’s lovers. The roads were filled with dispatch riders rushing to make seemingly endless deliveries because people needed to show their partners that they cared about them on Valentine’s Day.

But there you were: sitting at home alone and watching Namase Wahala. Nobody brought you any gifts, nobody sent you any messages. It was just vibes.

If you didn’t get any Valentine’s gifts, we know what it means:

1. You are bigger than love

People might think that because you didn’t get any Valentine’s gift it means your love life is in shambles, but they don’t know that you’re actually bigger than all that love nonsense. They don’t know capitalists just use it as an avenue to sell chocolates. But you know. Don’t mind them.

2. A dog has eaten the bone of your bone

It’s either number 1, or a dog has eaten the bone of your bone and you’re going to be single forever. Which one do you pick?

3. That when the next Valentine’s day approaches, you should quit your job, pack your bags, and run away to Port Novo so you can be free from people who will ask you questions

Social media people never rest, people never stop asking questions, and you cannot be having high BP because of them. If you didn’t get anything on Valentine’s Day, just prepare to run away next Valentine’s to a place where nobody knows you. This is how you should spend every Valentine’s henceforth.

4. You need to start ruining other people’s relationships

Channel your inner early 2000’s Jim Iyke and begin to ruin other people’s relationships. If you’re not getting gifts, nobody is getting gifts.

5. Maybe you need to start dating yourself

After all, you can’t possibly let yourself down. Besides, nobody actually deserves you.


David Odunlami

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