4 Simple Questions That Are Capable Of Triggering A Nervous Breakdown

June 15, 2020

1) “Tell me about yourself.”

You’ve spent your entire life learning about yourself and figuring out how you affect the world around you. You’re an intelligent being. That bitch. NO ONE can take that away from you. Then someone – most likely a potential romantic partner – asks you this question and your tower of knowledge comes crashing down around you like a Jenga tower being built by Michael J. Fox.

2) “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

You have a life trajectory mapped out, knowing exactly where you want to be at any point in the next 15 years. Then some asshole job interviewer asks you this question and the next thing you know, you’re spiralling because it has suddenly occurred to you that in the grand scheme of things, your plans mean nothing. The universe could decide to move mad (à la the year 2020) and make it so that the year you were supposed to become president becomes the year you (and what’s left of humanity) move underground and start eating rats because Elon Musk built an Artificial Intelligence as a way to help with the coronavirus pandemic but it decided that humans were the virus and proceeded to wipe us out instead.

3) “What do you do for fun?”

Fun? You know what fun is. You’ve even had it so you know what it feels like. Then why is it so hard for you to answer this question? Do you lie like 70% of the population and say you go clubbing to blow off steam? No. People who successfully lie about enjoying that activity give off a certain vibe. And you never would’ve been asked this question if you gave off that vibe. Do you say that you enjoy staying indoors on a Friday night with a good book and a cup of tea like the 40-year-old divorced protagonist of a mystery novel? What do you do??

4) “What do you do to relax?”

The truly terrible thing about this question is that it’s usually thrown at you when you complain about being stressed. You attempt to list out the things you do to relax and realize there are none. This causes you to panic because the last time you checked your blood pressure, the doctor told you to calm the hell down or risk dying of a stroke at 29.

Now you’re freaking out.

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