As we’ve said before, Unilag is the ghetto. One major thing that frustrates Unilag students though, is balloting for bedspace in hostels. It’s either the website is slow because of traffic, or it suddenly crashes, or some people are just not getting no matter how much they try.

If you’ve ever had to go through the terrible thing that is balloting for bedspace in Unilag, this post might give you violent flashbacks.

1. This is you when they announce the date for hostel balloting.

You already know that you’re probably not going to get a bedspace so you are pre-stressed. Wahala for who no get apartment money.

2. When they day arrives and you have to wake up by 5 a.m.

If you like, wake up by 10 a.m. That meins you wee sleep outside.

3. When you realise you have to ballot on as many devices as possible to improve your chances.

On the day you’re balloting, nobody else in your house can do anything o. Everybody must put on their laptops and head to the Unilag student portal, waiting to login and ballot.

4. When you start calling people and giving them your password so they can help you too.

Persobally, I used to call people in the abroad because I thought they would be able to access it faster from there. It always ended in tears.

5. When balloting starts and everything is just slow anyhow.

You will just be looking at the webpage loading for hours as if you’re downloading a heavy file. Even all the questionable websites you visit with heavy HD videos don’t take this long to load.

6. So you begin to panic.

This is the point where you start to imagine yourself squatting in a 4-man room that is now a 19-man room, where you only have one corner on the floor to sleep and nowhere to keep your luggage.

7. When you start hearing that people have gotten bedspace.

Abi the people that are getting bedspace, do they have three heads?

8. And then people start giving advice like they’re tech bros.

“Don’t use Google Chrome. Use Internet Explorer.” Pele o, Charles Babbage.

9. When the website inevitably crashes.

At this point, just start looking for someone you can squat with because the website crashing is never ever a good sign.

10. When you hear that it’s only Eni Njoku and Honours that are left available.

Kuku kill me na, because even if I get Honours, all the walking I’d have to do will kill me.

11. But you still try because your father’s house is far.

Half bread is better than none.

12. Next thing, it’s prayer time.

This is the time to talk to your father in heaven, let him run it for you.

13. When balloting finishes and you still don’t get a bedspace.

It’s not as if you expected to get bedspace sha, but now that the reality is hitting you, it’s time to cry.

14. It’s time to find who you will squat with.

“Hello Cynthia, I heard you got Makama. Please are you looking for squatters?

Cynthia, please I will pay.

Cynthi-“

“Hello Amaka how far na…”

Quiz: Which Nigerian University Are You?