Since every Nigerian parent clearly went to the same training school, all of us had frighteningly similar childhoods. Most of our experiences made no sense in retrospect, so we’ve made a list of 11 that will make you go: Why did that even happen?
1. When you got beaten for coming to school late.
Hian. Am I the one in charge of logistics?
2. When you got punished because school fees was not paid on time.
Shouldn’t you be punishing my parents?
3. When your mother got mad at you for accepting food from her friend.
You don’t trust your own friend again?
4. When your father told you to go wear your shoes and then just left.
Why didn’t you just say “no”?
5. When your parents beat you for injuring your self.
Have I not suffered enough?
6. When your mother got mad at you for revealing your travel plans.
7. When distant relatives got upset that you didn’t remember them.
I was 3 months old the last time I saw you.
8. When your parents bought you oversized clothes to “grow into”.
Don’t I need clothes now?
9. When they always had to inspect the party packs before you ate from it.
Are you done, FBI ?
10. When they force you to finish your food even when you’re clearly full.
Kill me oh.
11. When your mother screams at you in the name of helping with your homework.
Why did I even ask for your help?