9 Innocent Phrases You Can Use To Initiate Sex

April 16, 2019

Not unlike money, sex is a thing Nigerians LOVE to have but would rather choke on their tongues than talk about out loud. How do I know this? Here’s proof:

This is courtesy of worldometres.info and is based on the United Nations latest estimates.
199 million and GROWING! JESUS CHR –

Anyway, keeping with the theme of humping like rabbits in the sheets and monk-ing it up in the streets, I decided to put together this list of 10 different innocent-sounding phrases that one can use to initiate sex without actually saying “I want to have sex with you.

Because if there’s one thing I’m a stickler for, it’s tradition. And I plan to do all I can to uphold our great nation’s age-old tradition of sexual repression. Starting with this list:

  1. “You wan shoki?”

Lil Kesh doesn’t get enough credit for this multi-purpose word.

2. “I fit chop your pomo?”

You just made the decision to never eat pomo again and I’m not even sorry that I caused that.

3. “Can I mow your lawn?”

Sounds a little fetish-y, I know. But still effective.

4. “Make I knack you akpako.”

Where is Terry G anyway?

5.“I would like to eat your genitals.”

Better said in a sultry whisper a.k.a bedroom voice.

6. “I want to lick your hairy snail.”

I have also put you off of snails forever and once again, I’m not sorry.

7. “I want to wreck you.”

It’s now up to you to not disappoint.

8. “I want to make your black snake moan.”

You can’t say this if you’re white.

9. “Can I rake your leaves?”

This line is the perfect way to hint at your partner that you, more than anything, want to role-play as a sexy gardener.

You'll like this

January 15, 2020

Chances are, the only thing you’ve heard or really care about with the 2019 Finance Bill is the VAT increase, and it’s understandable, who wouldn’t want to know how much VAT they’ll be paying on a ₦ 5,000 cocktail, Harvested in Lagos. But there’s actually a lot more to the bill than the Value Added […]

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

August 8, 2020

We like to think our bodies are our own. Like we own and control them. But you see this body you call your own, it chooses to disgrace, embarrass and betray you, occasionally at the worst of times. Read on to see the  6 terrible ways your body can betray you so you can cast […]

Recommended Quizzes

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz:

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

More from Inside Life

August 8, 2020

We like to think our bodies are our own. Like we own and control them. But you see this body you call your own, it chooses to disgrace, embarrass and betray you, occasionally at the worst of times. Read on to see the  6 terrible ways your body can betray you so you can cast […]

August 6, 2020

A line from a popular Yoruba fuji song goes: It is the man with the potbelly you should give the money too. Indeed, Nigerians seem to place importance on how much body fat a man carries. Skinny people aren’t really taken seriously in these parts. Being a skinny man in Nigeria can be very frustrating. […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X