Everybody has an era in their past when they thought they were absolutely killing it with their baffs and lewks but in hindsight, really looked like alien extras from the set of Star Trek.
In that spirit, I put together a list of women’s fashion trends that were sizzling at the time but would currently earn you a “what is this, hunny?” if worn now. Because fashion trends tend to come back around, let’s hope that these ones do because we could all use a good laugh.
1. Bootcut Trousers
I LOVED this because of all the purposes it could serve.
– Are you an environmentalist who cares about the earth and hates refuse strewn about? Wear this so you can sweep the floor as you walk.
– Are you going skydiving but are terrified that your parachute will fail, leaving you to scatter on the ground like a crate of eggs? Wear this as a backup parachute.
– Are you a shoplifter who constantly gets caught trying to sneak the loot out? Wear this and strap whatever you steal to your thigh (inside your pants) and no one will notice.
We stan a multi-purpose piece of clothing!
2. Abortion Belts
This could’ve just been called a belt but we took it upon ourselves (as Nigerians) to give it the horrifying monicker, Abortion Belt. This seems like an appropriate time to confess that I once believed that this accessory was really used to perform abortions.
See ehn, 20-year old me was a mess. You would’ve loved him.
3. Skirt Over Trousers
Even back then, I never understood this. It’s like, pick a damn side. How did this catch on as an acceptable fashion trend anyway??
4. Super thin eyebrows
Ah, who can forget that time when women would completely shave their God-given eyebrows off only to draw it back super thin, effectively making themselves look like Kabuki masks? Good times.
Special shoutout to the legendary actress and queen of slightly terrifying lewks, Eucharia Anunobi.
5) Low rise jeans
Back when people weren’t afraid to flash a little underwear or ass crack.
6. Spiky Wigs
Back when everybody wanted to look like late 90s/early 2000s Kelly Rowland. To be fair, this wig is still a staple among middle-aged Nigerian women who work in the civil service.
7. Bandana Tops
One part bandana. One part crop-top. All around mystery. People that wore this scared me because I could not (and still can’t) figure out how it stayed up on their bodies.
8. Colour Blocking
Who remembers that dark period in the early 2010s when women in Nigeria went about looking like fashionable Batman villains? Lemon top, red trousers, and bright yellow rubber sandals. Wheeew chile…the ghetto.
9. This style of Caribbean skirts
Women who wore this looked like they were ever ready to break out into a choreographed Flamenco routine and I had no choice but to stan.