Whether it’s asking you when you’re going to marry or tugging at your pandemic belly, Yoruba aunties can wreak havoc, but who’s going to plan the epic Owambe parties we love if they’re gone too soon? So to keep the necessary evil alive, these are the nine health care tips 50+ Yoruba aunties should know. Share this with them to keep the party rice coming.
1. Tell her to exercise
Exercise will keep her heart pumping and agile enough to frustrate any 25+ woman renouncing marriage. Tell her to get out of bed every morning for some light exercise — remember all the punishments she gave you? Tell her to do it for a long life. Jump up and down (not too high o), swing your arms, or go up and down the stairs. The goal is to keep her body moving and active so she can keep being the gorgeous girl she is and too tired to stress you.
2. Give her nuts
Chill. I’m talking about almonds, walnuts and peanuts. Her body needs the nutrients — protein, fat, fiber, vitamins, and minerals. Tell her how convenient it is to throw in that big bag she’s always carrying or throw anybody stressing an elderly woman.
3. Get her to take healthy supplements
Agbo is a Yoruba aunty’s cure for everything. Please introduce her to health supplements like vitamins. Last last, help her blend a Vitamin C tablet in her concoction — doctors say it’s good for their immune system. Some women talk about taking the Reload Multivitamin, but please, call that doctor she wants you to marry and confirm.
4. Introduce her to healthy foods
Amala and gbegiri with soft kpomo and shaki is the holy grail of every Yoruba aunty, but please help her cut carrots and cucumbers by the side. Then grab her ears if you see her drinking anything that is not water or ginger tea. She might slap you, but you’re the reason she’ll be alive to host another banging owambe for us.
5. Book a massage for her
No shade, but her bones are not what they used to be. A bi-weekly or monthly massage at the hospital or spa will do wonders for your back and knees. Again, we’re doing this for the party jollof.
6. Get her to have more sex
7. Fix her doctor’s appoinments
Beg her to stop going to the hospital to look at fine doctors for you to marry, please. She needs to take preventative checks and screenings like mammograms and pap smears as seriously as the pepper in her food. Get her to talk about menopause, the painful cramps, night sweats, vaginal dryness and everything in between.
8. Teach her to focus on her mental health
This one might be hard, but tell her to stop choosing violence — no more hiding souvenirs in her extra bag at weddings or haunting you for more grandchildren. Tell her to find what gives her peace to avoid anything that raises her blood pressure. Introduce her to a self care routine tips: buy her a candle, buy a pet to distract her or just buy her a plane ticket to another country for your own peace.
9. Find more friends for her
Remove her from the family group chat — she needs real friends at this point. Get her to connect with old school friends (the real Nollywood babes) or a community for women. Either way, she needs to get out of the house and meet more people that relate to being a 50+ woman.