On day 847? of my now self-imposed lock down, while my clothes are charging up for the inevitable post-rona rocks and my body is getting the rest it deserves, my hair is wallowing in a state I like to describe as – I prefer not to speak.

From wash days every week, to discovering my hair can form into locs if I leave it under a scarf long enough, my hair has been going through it this period.

Because I miss the good old days, I will now spend a good part of my morning reminiscing on all thge hairy milestones that brought me where I am today.

Having your hair packed into two puff-puffs for every single birthday party

If your mom didn’t style your puffs puffs with the most colourful ribbons possible, so xri bou dah.

Graduating a little later to the OG telephone wire.

Children of nowadays won’t know the feeling of sleeping on their backs so their telephone wire won’t cut.

Packing gel was for the next level of bad babies.

All the junior foreheads would be shining in school that week like they poured anointing oil on them.

Doing rubber because you’re ready to try anything to make your hair grow long.

Not being able to sleep later that night, but holding body regardless.

Doing all back and base and feeling like Rapunzel when the base covers your eyes.

Lie that this wasn’t you. Lie first.

Relaxing your hair and realising for real, for real, how long your hair is.

Rapunzel Ubong is in the building now.

When you just start relaxing your hair and you feel one side start to burn before going halfway

Just have to firm that pain.

Braiding your hair and constantly feeling the tufts of hair remaining

As if your hairdresser won’t still divide the last tuft into 70.

For some girls, deciding to go for the big chop

Next thing, every sentence is punctuated with wash day, LOC treatment, growth oil etc.

What’s your favourite hair milestone?


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