7 Queer African Women Talk About Loving Other Women

January 18, 2021

What is it like loving women as a woman? Seven African women tell us about the experience.

Hadiza, 20, Nigerian

I expected it to be easier. I expected dating women to make me feel more safe and less insecure. The safety part is true, but the easy part is not. Women are challenging. Dating them is not super smooth, or super easy. They can be just as unpredictable or maybe even more unpredictable than men. Sometimes it’s very stressful pursuing women, and they are mean, but I still feel safe.

Nana, 23, Ghanaian

Cis women are always talking about how dating women will be easier, and I have to laugh. It’s funny because someone must have really lied to them. You will not understand women better just because you are a woman, because women are multi-dimensional creatures that are not incapable of evil. They will hurt you and you will cry and still buy them gifts. They will also love you because that is what women do. I cannot not love them, because not loving women feels unnatural.

Cynthia, 21, Nigerian

When it came to dating women, they made me realise I could feel emotions. I was always so closed off, but I loved the vulnerability. I think I learnt vulnerability in the way that made me understand that it doesn’t make you weak for being able to bare your soul to someone, and women never hesitate to show you how much they car for you. You can always feel the love. Also, the orgasms are great.

Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

Jane, 25, Ugandan

For some reason I expected women to be softer, and it made no sense because I am not soft. I expected great sex too, but let us not talk about the sex. In reality, women are as complex as men are, maybe more so. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some are in touch with their emotions, and others are at sub zero when it comes to feelings. Others want to put down roots immediately, and some are impossible to pin down even for coffee. It’s all different, exciting and I love figuring it out. Women are also bad at flirting, but because we’re African living our reality means that this person is bold and has put at least one tiny foot out of out society’s lines.

Esther, 22, Nigerian

Women require more emotional and mental attraction than men. With men you could always be aloof and there would be no issue, thy will accept it, but with women I had to actually communicate and put in a lot of emotional labour. Women also make me feel great about myself. They listen more and care more. I feel more in love and more loved when I am with women. I feel like Nigeria ruined a lot of my relationships with women. I always feel trapped because of homophobia, and unable to express myself and for that reason I hurt a lot of people. I did not want to fall in love with someone and have to leave them because I would have to marry a man or leave the country to survive.

Cordelia, 20, Ugandan

When I first realised I liked women, I was in a homophobic single sex school that I was later on expelled from. With that, all I knew was that liking women would cause me trouble and hate. Eventually, I had to unlearn a lot of homophobia my religion taught me. For me, I would say loving women is worth all of the homophobia I have had to endure because there is a kind of peace and safety I get to feel.

A, 22, Zimbabwean

I knew I liked women in 2018, but I didn’t really take to seriously till 2019 when I met someone. I had no expectations, but lots of uncertainty though. You don’t know what to expect or how to behave. I like how with women I can be myself. You don’t have to curate who you are, and I love that I can just be used. Growing up you’re constantly told “men want a woman like this, men want a woman like that”, so you just start conditioning yourself to become this woman that a man wants. With a woman I do not have to do that. She loves me for me, I love her for her. It just feels right. Zimbabweans are very homophobic. You get bullied and attacked online, sometimes people will I as far as sending death threats. So when you go out, you have to pretend.

For more stories about women and all the different things they do, please click here


Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 9, 2020

Being a woman is already hard enough. We have to deal with harassment, unrealistic societal expectations, fear of getting raped and murdered for rejecting romantic advance, and the list goes on. Now, reports are, women are getting denied entry to certain spaces without a male chaperon because they are perceived as prostitutes.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

February 26, 2021

From Jim Iyeke to Hanks Anuku, Nollywood knew how to make the perfect bad boy that simultaneously leaves you rolling your eyes while also going, damn! Here we guide you on how to become one yourself! Get Your Accent Game Up. First of  all and perhaps most importantly, you need an accent. This is what differentiates […]

4 Women Talk About Mansplaining
February 26, 2021

You know how you can be talking about something and a man from nowhere will insert himself in the conversation and give you an opinion no one asked for? That is mansplaining. Simply put, it’s when men talk over you in a condescending and often inaccurate manner plus it’s almost always something you already know. […]

Recommended Quizzes

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

More from Her

4 Women Talk About Mansplaining
February 26, 2021

You know how you can be talking about something and a man from nowhere will insert himself in the conversation and give you an opinion no one asked for? That is mansplaining. Simply put, it’s when men talk over you in a condescending and often inaccurate manner plus it’s almost always something you already know. […]

5 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Masculine-Presenting In Nigeria
February 24, 2021

Living as a woman in Nigeria is sometimes an unpleasant experience but masculine-presenting women are often faced with violence simply for looking the way they do. In this article, we asked five Nigerian women to share their experiences as masculine-presenting women.  Bimpe, 23 People look down on me for looking the way I do. Members […]

February 24, 2021

The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 23-year-old Nigerian woman who was in a toxic relationship with a man who did all he could to keep her with him, including stalking and blackmailing her.

Nigerian women talk about their favourite ex
February 23, 2021

In mainstream media, when people talk about exes, they are usually referring to the worst one. In a bid to balance that, we asked 7 Nigerian women to tell us about their favourite ex.   Abigail, 34  Let’s call her M. She was everything I wanted in a partner — honest, loving, ambitious, beautiful and smart. […]

February 22, 2021

Sometimes, when things do not go according to plan it leads to very funny moments. These five Nigerian women share their funniest waxing experiences. Jay, 26 I had never gotten waxed until Christmas of 2020. I got an early Christmas present to go for full body wax and scrub and I was really looking forward […]

February 19, 2021

As told to Mariam  During my first week at Zikoko, I wanted to write an article on how body dysmorphia affects women. I made a call for women to share their stories with me and Fisayo* messaged me. I eventually found that a similar article had been written but the conversation I had with them […]

11 African women send a message to their 16-year-old self
February 17, 2021

We can all agree that adulting is a scam. With the never-ending bills and responsibilities, we almost never have time for ourselves. So, for this article, we asked eleven African women what they would say to their 16-year-old self about growing up if they could go back in time Alex, 25 You are not as […]

February 16, 2021

Being a first daughter in African homes is a different kind of pressure, responsibility and work. These twenty African women share what being a first daughter is like. Anna, 22 From a young age, I was expected to take care of my siblings while receiving no care or attention from my parents at all. I […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X