7 Queer African Women Talk About Loving Other Women

January 18, 2021

What is it like loving women as a woman? Seven African women tell us about the experience.

Hadiza, 20, Nigerian

I expected it to be easier. I expected dating women to make me feel more safe and less insecure. The safety part is true, but the easy part is not. Women are challenging. Dating them is not super smooth, or super easy. They can be just as unpredictable or maybe even more unpredictable than men. Sometimes it’s very stressful pursuing women, and they are mean, but I still feel safe.

Nana, 23, Ghanaian

Cis women are always talking about how dating women will be easier, and I have to laugh. It’s funny because someone must have really lied to them. You will not understand women better just because you are a woman, because women are multi-dimensional creatures that are not incapable of evil. They will hurt you and you will cry and still buy them gifts. They will also love you because that is what women do. I cannot not love them, because not loving women feels unnatural.

Cynthia, 21, Nigerian

When it came to dating women, they made me realise I could feel emotions. I was always so closed off, but I loved the vulnerability. I think I learnt vulnerability in the way that made me understand that it doesn’t make you weak for being able to bare your soul to someone, and women never hesitate to show you how much they car for you. You can always feel the love. Also, the orgasms are great.

Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

Jane, 25, Ugandan

For some reason I expected women to be softer, and it made no sense because I am not soft. I expected great sex too, but let us not talk about the sex. In reality, women are as complex as men are, maybe more so. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some are in touch with their emotions, and others are at sub zero when it comes to feelings. Others want to put down roots immediately, and some are impossible to pin down even for coffee. It’s all different, exciting and I love figuring it out. Women are also bad at flirting, but because we’re African living our reality means that this person is bold and has put at least one tiny foot out of out society’s lines.

Esther, 22, Nigerian

Women require more emotional and mental attraction than men. With men you could always be aloof and there would be no issue, thy will accept it, but with women I had to actually communicate and put in a lot of emotional labour. Women also make me feel great about myself. They listen more and care more. I feel more in love and more loved when I am with women. I feel like Nigeria ruined a lot of my relationships with women. I always feel trapped because of homophobia, and unable to express myself and for that reason I hurt a lot of people. I did not want to fall in love with someone and have to leave them because I would have to marry a man or leave the country to survive.

Cordelia, 20, Ugandan

When I first realised I liked women, I was in a homophobic single sex school that I was later on expelled from. With that, all I knew was that liking women would cause me trouble and hate. Eventually, I had to unlearn a lot of homophobia my religion taught me. For me, I would say loving women is worth all of the homophobia I have had to endure because there is a kind of peace and safety I get to feel.

A, 22, Zimbabwean

I knew I liked women in 2018, but I didn’t really take to seriously till 2019 when I met someone. I had no expectations, but lots of uncertainty though. You don’t know what to expect or how to behave. I like how with women I can be myself. You don’t have to curate who you are, and I love that I can just be used. Growing up you’re constantly told “men want a woman like this, men want a woman like that”, so you just start conditioning yourself to become this woman that a man wants. With a woman I do not have to do that. She loves me for me, I love her for her. It just feels right. Zimbabweans are very homophobic. You get bullied and attacked online, sometimes people will I as far as sending death threats. So when you go out, you have to pretend.

For more stories about women and all the different things they do, please click here

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

July 27, 2020

The cramps, nausea, and insane cravings are not the only things Nigerian women have to deal with during their period. 7 Nigerian women had a quick chat with me about their most cringe-worthy period experience. Jennifer  My experience was really awful. I had an ex-boyfriend who would complain and call me lazy for having cramps […]


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

More from Her

September 25, 2022

Simi and Taofeeqat became best friends in SS2. Before adulthood came between them, they gave each other cheesy love letters and long hugs. In this #LettertoHER, Simi wants Taofeeqat to know she misses her.

September 20, 2022

If your partner spent so much time in your home that it felt like they lived there, moving on can be tougher. So what happens when you can’t afford to move out to move on from the memories of your partner? 7 Nigerians who’ve been heartbroken shared their experience.

What She Said: I’ll Run For Office in 2027
September 14, 2022

Nafisa Atiku-Adejuwon talks about experiencing politics in secondary school, choosing public service over a legal career and finding purpose in helping young women enter politics through “Girls Just Want to Run”.

September 11, 2022

“In everything I wanted to do, my grandma always told me to go for it, even if I wanted to fly to the moon. She never made any of my dreams seem unachievable.”

In this personal essay, Dammy talks about her grandmother, who was also her best friend. #GrandparentsDay

What She Said: Feminism Led Me to Atheism
August 31, 2022

This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 23-year-old Nigerian woman. She tells us about discovering her feminism, pansexuality and atheism through books while living with her close-knit conservative family.


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.