Welcome To 2019, Our Year of Nigerian Escape Visas, Okay?

January 9, 2019

If you’re Nigerian and currently living in Nigeria (sorry), chances are, you probably rang the new year in church, mouth open, one hand in the air, with the other hopefully not snap chatting the countdown. You, together with a congregation of other faithfuls threw prayers up, hopeful that 2019 comes with better promises than 2018.

To reinforce this sentiment, your pastor probably prophesied prosperity into your lives, promising 2019 breakthroughs, just like they’ve been promised for the last seven years. You left church pumped and ready to take on 2019 with your chest. Yay for you!

Or perhaps you’re Muslim, prosperity and breakthrough are common themes for a New Year, you probably prayed these for yourself for 2019. Good stuff.

Well, I’m here to tell you one thing that may or may not have been missed. If you’re looking to do the prosperity thing, or have breakthrough this year — then please, for the love of yourself, do it out of the Nigerian land of Zanku.

See, almost anywhere will do, Canada oh, Ghana oh, even Benin Republic might not be bad. They have nice beaches, see. The important thing is now, or in the near future — your bags are packed, or ready to be packed to enable you miss Nigeria from the abroad. Because the way things are looking, Nigeria go hot this 2019.

Okay, maybe we’re being a tad dramatic. But we’re looking at predictions for Nigeria’s 2019 and they are not looking good. Here’s the very first problem:

These 2019 Elections They’ve Been Shouting About

There’s a reason Nigerian hearts do a collective gbim-gbim when we hear elections are coming up, and it’s not because we’re excited for the next round of looters to roll through. Nope, never that.

Ever since we’ve had the privilege of elections, some people (who were once president) have taken it to be a literal do or die affair. About 300 people lost their lives to election violence in the 2003 elections. More worryingly- 800 died in the wake of the 2011 elections. Even in 2015, about 58 people lost their lives to election violence, and this was even before the polls that brought Buhari in took place.

As it stands now, we don’t know how this 2019 elections might turn out. If you’re planning on finding out, do so from a safe distance — that visa agent is just a call away boo.

Dollar Price Is Going Waaay Up.

Remember the good times when $1 went for 140 naira and we were still complaining like the Lord wasn’t doing us a good thing? Well, cherish those memories, and even this 350 we’re currently ‘enjoying’, because 2019 is going to give the dollar more muscle against the naira.

See, it goes back to these politicians. To steal sway votes, they need a lot of money. So their increased demand for dollars to fund this, is reducing the dollars Nigeria should ordinarily have in her back pocket (reserves) and that translates to a weak naira against the dollar.

But that’s not all…

Oil Prices Are Not Smiling

This oil Nigeria always carries on her head, well, it might put us in a sticky dollar situation this 2019.

If you missed it, there is an oversupply of oil the world over, and it is causing a reduction in oil prices everywhere.

What that means for Nigeria is, our primary source of revenue is currently not bringing in money like it used to, with analysts predicting that these low prices might weaken the naira to exchange at ₦380 for $1.

On the plus side, if you remain, you’ll be encouraged to #buyNigeriantogrowthenaira. Ain’t nobody got time for ASOS exchange rates!

Nigeria May Not Have Heard The Last From The Herdsmen

These people scare me so much, I was actually a little scared to write their names out in full. For the better part of last year, the herdsmen or whatever group poses as herdsmen – terrorised farmlands and areas across Nigeria.

Lately, we haven’t heard too much from them, and that’s great. But before you think Nigeria is peaceful and get distracted from your plans to seek gay asylum in Greece or wherever, statements like these have started flying around.

Quadruple that visa hustle friends, don’t say we didn’t tell you.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

December 24, 2021

Abroad Life tells the stories of Nigerians who japa’d, but many times, the stories have a shocking twist.

From jaw-dropping stories of grand-scale internet fraud to heartbreaking stories of family betrayal, these are the top 10 most-read Abroad Life stories of 2021.

April 10, 2020

We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa. Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours: As of yesterday, 9/04/2020, these are the […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Citizen

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X