Welcome To 2019, Our Year of Nigerian Escape Visas, Okay?

January 9, 2019

If you’re Nigerian and currently living in Nigeria (sorry), chances are, you probably rang the new year in church, mouth open, one hand in the air, with the other hopefully not snap chatting the countdown. You, together with a congregation of other faithfuls threw prayers up, hopeful that 2019 comes with better promises than 2018.

To reinforce this sentiment, your pastor probably prophesied prosperity into your lives, promising 2019 breakthroughs, just like they’ve been promised for the last seven years. You left church pumped and ready to take on 2019 with your chest. Yay for you!

Or perhaps you’re Muslim, prosperity and breakthrough are common themes for a New Year, you probably prayed these for yourself for 2019. Good stuff.

Well, I’m here to tell you one thing that may or may not have been missed. If you’re looking to do the prosperity thing, or have breakthrough this year — then please, for the love of yourself, do it out of the Nigerian land of Zanku.

See, almost anywhere will do, Canada oh, Ghana oh, even Benin Republic might not be bad. They have nice beaches, see. The important thing is now, or in the near future — your bags are packed, or ready to be packed to enable you miss Nigeria from the abroad. Because the way things are looking, Nigeria go hot this 2019.

Okay, maybe we’re being a tad dramatic. But we’re looking at predictions for Nigeria’s 2019 and they are not looking good. Here’s the very first problem:

These 2019 Elections They’ve Been Shouting About

There’s a reason Nigerian hearts do a collective gbim-gbim when we hear elections are coming up, and it’s not because we’re excited for the next round of looters to roll through. Nope, never that.

Ever since we’ve had the privilege of elections, some people (who were once president) have taken it to be a literal do or die affair. About 300 people lost their lives to election violence in the 2003 elections. More worryingly- 800 died in the wake of the 2011 elections. Even in 2015, about 58 people lost their lives to election violence, and this was even before the polls that brought Buhari in took place.

As it stands now, we don’t know how this 2019 elections might turn out. If you’re planning on finding out, do so from a safe distance — that visa agent is just a call away boo.

Dollar Price Is Going Waaay Up.

Remember the good times when $1 went for 140 naira and we were still complaining like the Lord wasn’t doing us a good thing? Well, cherish those memories, and even this 350 we’re currently ‘enjoying’, because 2019 is going to give the dollar more muscle against the naira.

See, it goes back to these politicians. To steal sway votes, they need a lot of money. So their increased demand for dollars to fund this, is reducing the dollars Nigeria should ordinarily have in her back pocket (reserves) and that translates to a weak naira against the dollar.

But that’s not all…

Oil Prices Are Not Smiling

This oil Nigeria always carries on her head, well, it might put us in a sticky dollar situation this 2019.

If you missed it, there is an oversupply of oil the world over, and it is causing a reduction in oil prices everywhere.

What that means for Nigeria is, our primary source of revenue is currently not bringing in money like it used to, with analysts predicting that these low prices might weaken the naira to exchange at ₦380 for $1.

On the plus side, if you remain, you’ll be encouraged to #buyNigeriantogrowthenaira. Ain’t nobody got time for ASOS exchange rates!

Nigeria May Not Have Heard The Last From The Herdsmen

These people scare me so much, I was actually a little scared to write their names out in full. For the better part of last year, the herdsmen or whatever group poses as herdsmen – terrorised farmlands and areas across Nigeria.

Lately, we haven’t heard too much from them, and that’s great. But before you think Nigeria is peaceful and get distracted from your plans to seek gay asylum in Greece or wherever, statements like these have started flying around.

Quadruple that visa hustle friends, don’t say we didn’t tell you.

Boyin Plumptre

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