I have been nursing a headache since June Saturday, drone-delivered to me by the Nigerian army and I fear it may never go away.

On June 22, the Nigerian Army, did something with the bag that I can not even begin to classify as fumbling, by spending an exaggerated portion of their budget on an ‘anti-kidnapping’ drone device, better suited for taking those super-slow angled shots of the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge upcoming artists so desperately love in their music videos.
Or could it be that? An under-cover empowerment program for future Zanku artists?

At this point, I’d be willing to take any explanation apart from the fact that the military really thought a DN 415 drone, better suited for music videos better suited for taking those super-slow angled shots of the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge upcoming artists so desperately love in their music videos.
would be a solid investment for Nigeria’s worrisome security situation.

So Here’s What Happened.

Following increased incidents of kidnappings in Ondo and Ekiti State, the Nigerian Army decided to make a tactful decision, by spending out of its N5,965,596,744 Security budget in the purchase of drones.

Now, you hear a figure like that and your mind definitely goes to them purchasing something of this sort —

Type of tool to have any kidnappers den alight with fear, this device . These military drones are invaluable for reconnaisance, surveillance and targeted attacks. They’re also known for their quietened sounds whose importance cannot be over emphasisied when you’re trying to smoke out kidnappers lurking about for unsuspecting victims.

But instead, we got this.

This straight out of Jumia’s children’s section looking drone, complete with loud sounding blades and perhaps multi-coloured glow in the dark features was proudly launched by Brig. General Zakari Logun Abubakar of Owena Barracks, Akure, complete with a press team to survey the bandit-infested forests of Ondo State.

This drone, which I am very sure can be bested by a mid-level gust of wind, was described as “the latest in aerial technology” , and complete with its loud whirrings, will be deployed immediately there is mention of any kidnapping in the state. In his words, “Once there is issue of kidnapping they will immediately launch it, particularly in places that cannot be easily access.” (sic)

And we get not one, but two of these (why Lord?).

This Clarence Peters cast-off drone will also be available to save all the inhabitants of Ekiti, from cunning kidnappers and bandits, suing its loud whirrings.

Did anyone notice it is remote controlled, and most probably restricted to only close radius flying with said remote? We’re sure the kidnappers will be understanding and give the military the time to catch up to them when their remote controller runs out of batteries during a close-cornered chase.

Anytime from today would be good for your return Lord.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.