I like food and I eat a lot. I really do. So you understand that this is not hate speech in any form.

However, there are some Nigerian food I cannot stand for any reason whatsoever because of either taste, smell, or texture.

Before I begin, I want to state that these views do not represent my employers, family members, or religious affiliations. Therefore, all queries, complaints, objections and mild to gentle curses be directed at me and me alone.

Let’s begin:

1) Nigerian rice.

For every action of taking a spoon of Nigerian rice, there must an equal and opposite reaction of eating a tonne of stone. Seriously, don’t get me started on the washing before you can finally eat it. Don’t believe us? see for yourself.

2) Noodles that aren’t Indomie.

Any other thing that isn’t Indomie should be burnt with fire and brimstone. From the smell to the taste, it just doesn’t work.

3) Wara(cheese).

I can’t look at this photo without almost vomiting. Some people even drink the water from it. God “safe” us.

4) Ikokore.

No matter what agenda they push, this food can never slap. I am sorry Grandma but I must say the truth even if my mouth shakes.

5) Ukwa.

God. You promised affliction will not rise a second time. Why have you forsaken us?

6) Semo and its variants.

Semo, Wheat, Tuwo. Throw it all into a black bag and beat it to death in a dark alley where light never reaches.

7) Croaker fish.

People eat this thing and pretend like they are having fun. Typical Nigerian suffering and smiling.

8) Everything in small chops that isn’t puff-puff and plantain.

What’s this for? Did I steal? I actually don’t know why they won’t give me plantain, puff puff, and chicken. Remove all others.

9) Pap and family members.

Ogi baba, yellow pap plus ginger, white pap. Throw it all away. Once you urinate ten times, all the food has finished.

10) Ethiopian food in Nigeria.

Repeat after me “Injera is ghetto.”

You should read this next and also share it with your significant other so you don’t end up with someone that likes cold Indomie.


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