So, you finally got that opportunity to japa from this country. You have scaled the village people hurdle, the evildoers of your family and your negative yard people. The final step is the visa. Here is how to make sure they don’t use food to hold you back.
It’s not a lie, dear. You will go there and sleep. Imagine jeopardising your future because of one bowl of eba. They will call your name and someone else will take your spot because you are far away in dreamland. We rebuke it for you.
Yes, we love beans. But see ehn, don’t eat beans to your visa interview. A lot of things are bound to go wrong. For starters, you can start to purge. Or, shit might start to catch you while you are waiting in the queue. What is worse, you can be in front of the official and be dropping mess. The two of you will start looking at each other like:
Oyinbo say na me
Me I say na Oyinbo.
Save yourself from “Had thy known.”
3. Draw soup.
Okro oh, ewedu oh, ogbono oh. See ehn, these soups are sweet, but wahala be like bicycle. E no dey hard to start. You will eat okro soup and your mouth will start to draw until you yarn okpata.
Oyinbo: Do you have plans to come back?
You: If I come back, make I die, make I perish, anything I’m looking for let me not find it.
Oyinbo: I’m sorry?
You: No, I mean I will come back.
Leemao. Too late, dear.
This one will give you bad breath. Don’t near it at all. Tuck in your Igbo roots and give your stomach to the Lord for one day, Chibueze. It won’t kill you.
For simple reasons: semo will make you pee. But there are more spiritual reasons and we will tell you:
Semo is a widely hated swallow. It is beyond explanation, this hate, and it is irredeemable. Now imagine you eat such a thing. Honey, you have given your village people an avenue to work. They will simply transfer semo’s hate to you. You will just enter visa office and consular go comot cane wipe you for body.
Don’t even try it. Go to that visa interview hungry. And if you faint, toh. Na you know.