Seeing as we're not supposed to "touch the anointed", I'll try to deliver this gist without any of the usual Zikoko snark you've come to know and (I hope) love.
So a list surfaced on the Internet yesterday containing the list of marriage demands for a Nigerian church named TRUE VINE POWER HOUSE MINISTRY INC. I'll give you a few seconds to laugh at that name if it cracked you up as much as it did me.
I don't know why but the fact that the name ends with "INC" also cracked me up. So this is me giving myself a couple of seconds to laugh at that again.
Okay let's move on.
This is the list. Read it for yourself and react appropriately.
I understand the picture isn't so clear so I'm going to type it out.
1. Officiating Minister - N8000
2. Host Pastor - N10,000
3. Instrumentalists - N6000
4. Couple's Fee - N15,000
5. Marriage Certificate - N10, 000
6. Fuel - N5000
7. Lateness - N5000
8. Ministers' Food: 10 food flasks with one small five alive and one Maltina each.
9. Host Pastor's Food: 2 food flasks, 2 Eva water, 2 big five alive, 2 cans of Maltina each.
10. Food for church workers: 50 takeaways or one cooler of rice.21/2 crates of can of Maltina.
11. Suits for host pastor and wife.
12. All couples should be in church by 9:00am.
13. All wedding programs must be in church one week before the wedding.
14. Couples must attend marriage class for two weeks before the wedding.
15. Couples to see Host pastor for their thanksgiving.
16. Couples thanksgiving should not be more than one week after the wedding.
Chill. I need a moment to do something.
Okay I'm done.
What I find super hilarious about this is how specific the demands are. Like If someone brought Malta Guinness instead of Maltina, would they cancel the wedding?
I LOVE the compromise in number 10.
Also, why do I have to pay for suits for the Host pastor and his wife??