All The Wahala That Comes With Being A Skinny, Flat-Assed Nigerian Woman

There are some people that think being skinny is easy; and for the skinny person, life is easier and being skinny is healthier, but that's actually not true.

Being skinny is hard. Very hard. I should know, I'm a skinny, flat-assed somebody and my life is just one struggle after the other.

Come, let me tell you all about

First of all, I'm skinny but I can't climb up a flight of stars without panting and sweating hard like I just ran a marathon.

So no, skinny is NOT healthy.

And when people are always like, "are you even eating at all?" Because I apparently look too skinny, it can be very annoying.

Especially when I know that I eat A LOT but the food always somehow manages to pass my buttocks and breasts and instead enters only my arms.

So while my arms are gaining weight and becoming wings like;

My ass is just flat there like;

But even being skinny and having a flat ass would have still been okay to manage in this life if these stupid Danfos could just allow somebody to be great.

Somebody cannot enter Danfo in peace without hearing, "Aunty dress, dress, but your nyansh no big now, dress"

Never mind that my whole bumbum is really equal to an average-sized person's half bumbum, you will still want me to enter the door of the bus. Eh, is it fair? But is it fair?

And the seats are not even flat-ass friendly at all. Like, every time I enter a Danfo I start wondering what sort of sin I've committed to deserve that kind of torture.

On top of all that wahala with Danfos, buying clothes as a skinny, flat-assed person is really the absolute worst.

Nothing fits. Nothing.

When you wear jeans, you either look like a boy from the back or a ruler from the side

Trying to take pictures as a flat-assed person takes skill

Even finding love as a skinny, flat-assed person is hard, especially in this Nigeria where all Naija men like to grab something when holding a woman.

All a man can hold on to with my flat ass is faith. Even the skin on the ass will disappoint you.

There's no love in these streets for flat-assed, skinny people. No love at all.

Even nature can be mean. Because there's also the very real fear of getting carried away by breeze.

Seriously. This has happened to me before. One minute I was there standing on my own, the next minute a strong wind came and I found myself somewhere else.

And don't even get me started on what it's like trying to twerk with a flat ass. Let me just leave this here so you get the picture:

So with these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you and not to confuse you that being a skinny, flat-assed Nigerian woman is a serious struggle. Thank you.